Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse, wrote a powerful book called The Five Regrets of the Dying. One regret has always stayed with me:
“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
Two years ago, I left legal partnership to build a practice focused on mediation and leadership coaching.
From the outset, I appreciate that starting your own business is not realistic for everyone. There are practical considerations - financial commitments, family responsibilities, and personal circumstances - that make this path unworkable for many.
That said, I also think we have a human tendency to overplay these 'barriers' as part of the story we tell ourselves.
Taking the leap as I did, here are 5 salient business lessons.
When I was practising as a solicitor, I was fortunate enough to be mediated by barristers (with some rare exceptions). Trite to way that many barristers and former judges are excellent mediators and bring enormous credibility and experience to the role.
However, for a senior solicitor, I appreciated that becoming a mediator was a less travelled path.
I knew this difference mattered. The lesson for me was not to minimise it, but to own it and, in fact, double down on it.
That meant:
The main lesson that jumps out at me is this:
Be clear about what makes you different. Own it- in fact, double down on it.
For me, that meant building a different type of website, and also creating the ability for people to book directly online. I was cautioned by others that this would not work- that I would be double booked and my diary would be out of control. Although I was nervous about this change, I am pleased to say that my online calendar has worked very well, and has also made me disciplined in my diary management, ensuring I pro-actively block our time when required.
I knew this pain point well - it's generally admin staff or paralegals with the job of herding cats - getting all the parties into a room on a date and time that works.
The benefit of my online booking process has been significant. It gives the market visibility about my availability and creates a reliable way for people to book and engage.
Lesson 2 - Get the foundations right and be intentional about the friction your business is seeking to address/ reduce.
When it comes to business development, busy professionals often think about networking or marketing when they “have the time”.
I have fallen into this trap - free time is elusive, so BD remains half-baked and inconsistent.
That is why I have intentionally treated business development as a discipline or process that needs weekly execution.
For me, that process involved:
Nothing particularly complicated. Nothing that required a sophisticated strategy- it's now a business discipline.
Lesson 3 - be clear about your BD processes and reliably execute - consistency compounds.
Mediation is not just about the day in the room.
Some of the most valuable work happens before and after the mediation itself.
As a solicitor, I was used to having carriage of matters. That mindset has stayed with me. Where appropriate, I have remained involved after mediations - checking in on negotiating positions, supporting parties through the final stages, and staying connected with colleagues when I believe the circumstances are right to help create an agreement over time.
Going the extra distance takes effort, but it creates value.
Lesson 4 - applicable to anyone in the service industry- go the extra distance- it is noticed.
One of the biggest lessons has been patience. I keep having to re learn this one!
It is only now, two years in, that I am starting to see some green shoots emerge in coaching and leadership development.
I am reminded of a colleague who told me when I started that it takes two years to build a mediation practice and that's about right in terms of any business.
Of course, I thought I might somehow be different, but I didn't buck the trend.
Lesson 5 - Turn up and keep going.
There are other lessons, but these are the top 5 which I hope have some salience for you.
I regularly share short insights on mediation, negotiation and all things leadership. From how to optimise success in negotiations, to the skillset required to sustain high team performance and promote resilience. I share these video reflections, drawing from my experience both as a former leader in professional services and now as a mediator and leadership coach.
"Damien is an incredible Mediator. He is experienced, is always across the brief and has a depth of legal knowledge that can assist the parties to navigate even the most complex issues to reach a resolution. Damien is my first choice for any Mediation, especially for vulnerable plaintiff’s feeling overwhelmed by the process as they are immediately comforted by his affable and empathetic nature.”
Damien was engaged as an Executive Coach in our business to navigate a half-decade of poor habits, realign our leadership team and position us for a strategic exit.Facilitating an executive workshop was instrumental in resolving internal conflicts and realigning us to a collective focus on future opportunities.
I have especially appreciated your logical and calm approach to problem solving, and I have valued your methodical and composed demeanour in tackling complex issues. You have not only equipped me with effective strategies but also instilled a sense of confidence and clarity in my own decision making processes.
